Money and Marriage

Two simple words, used together -Money and Marriage- can upset  marital bliss faster than the national debt clock can rise.  Well, maybe not that fast!!!

But there is no doubt money problems lead to marital strain.  How does it happen, and how can you prevent it in your marriage?

Common money problems in marriage:

Is this your marriage? (photo by antwerpenr-cc)

• Divergent views on spending and saving-one is a spender, one is more conservative.  Doesn’t take a financial gynecologist guru to figure out there will be trouble here eventually.
• Widely divergent incomes:  can lead to the main income provider feeling he/she should have more say on where the money goes.
• Debt brought to the marriage:  If  not completely discussed, and a plan made to deal with it,  will lead to resentment.
• Financial secrets: can range from a hidden shoe purchasing addiction, or more sinister, a drug, porn, or alcohol habit. This can drain the family finances, and cause relationship issues, even without the money problems.
• Poor communication skills: This usually falls in the category of……  Patient: “he should know I don’t like him buying new golf clubs without telling me!” Doctor: “Did you ever ask him about it?”   Patient: “No, he should know how I feel-I shouldn’t have to tell him everything-if he loved me, he would just know!!”   NO, HE/SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL-YOU HAVE TO SAY IT!  Do this before you get angry if you want a meaningful response!
• No Financial Plan: Is  one of the most common.  No plan, just spend whatever you earn.  Nobody paying attention, until a crisis occurs-job loss, serious illness-then bam! Can’t make the car or house payment-”It’s your fault,”  “No, it’s your fault!!!!”
• No financial skills-Commonly associated with above described absence of financial plan-couples know they should be doing something-but don’t know where, or how to start!
• Starting your own business: Starting your own business is a dream of many-no more working for the man- I want to work for myself-but what if yourself is a poor business man/woman- no skills or understanding of cash flow, raising capital, marketing the business, or other skills.  The lack of capital after start-up of a new business is a common reason for premature failure.  Many don’t realize they are personally responsible for their business loans.  Another problem common to a new business is failure to pay taxes on business income-The feds want their share, and know how to get it!!  Any of these issues can put the family finances in jeopardy!

Preventing Money Problems in Marriage:

Or Is This You?? (by Bali Art Phot. cc)

You know what many of the problems are, how do you prevent them?

• Get on the same page BEFORE marriage.  See this prior post on premarital money counseling.
• Communicate/communicate/communicate-if you don’t know how, go to marriage classes, read books on improving relationships-listen to Dr Laura, Oprah, or Dr Phil-(well, maybe not Dr Phil….).  Many free classes are sponsored by churches, or other groups.  Talking to your honey in a productive manner, can be a learned skill-don’t think your spouse is a mind reader!
• Face addictions head on, and early-there are many organizations that can help, alcoholic-narcotics anonymous, friends, church family and relatives.  If a spouse is abusive or refuses to change, get professional help to learn how to minimize the damage to your psyche and your finances!
• Read “The Millionaire Nurse Blog” and use other resources to learn to manage your money-but it has to be a joint effort.  Both of you have to be mature enough to  compromise on the direction of your finances.  Learn to give a little, develop common goals, and make sure you set milestones to see how your efforts are panning out!
• Make a “Planned Spending” document-using a pencil and paper, software, or spreadsheet-decide where every penny goes, every month-before you spend.  If you screw up, try it again-this takes practice-you won’t get it right the first time.  Every month will get easier.

Reader Questions:

Did you have money problems in your marriage or before marriage?  How did you solve them?  What worked to get both of you on the same page with your money?

Did you have joint or separate accounts, a spending plan, joint financial goals?  Or did your marriage go down in flames over money problems?  Let our readers hear your comments or questions and what worked for you.

Dr Dean

PS: The Yakezie Carnival is up at Free From Broke. I appreciate being included!  Check out the great stories/tips and suggestions for credit card management and other personal finance info!